Messy Revaluation (thoughts in my mind-excuse the mess)

I am sitting here in a room, looking out to a Shanghai view. A view of residential buildings and smoggy sky.



Gone is the romanticism of travel, laid to rest is the adventure of exploration. New faces and new lands no longer draw me like sugar to ants. In its place, the need to grow up and become a contributing and responsible adult has slowly spreaded to my being. My current path seems to be detracting from this need. I look back and consider the foolishness of my ways, alas, time does not turn back.



So far, its not what i have expected, feelings of guilt, anger and saddness flash by ever so often. I am ashamed to find that my initial reaction to this hardship is flight, I've been told that I try to hide behind the need for Family, Familiarity and Foundation as an excuse to flee my current disatisfied state... ... I think that is partly true.



Escape- to movies, to books, to God, to my love and to Singapore. I wonder why the fear? Feeling of shackles holding me back to be myself? Is it the job? Or will i react like this even if I was home? Hmmm... overcome this shit and i can be ok anywhere i go. That's a thought! : )

Why should I be scared now? I have the largest margin of error now than I will ever have again.

Jia You Joa

Joa